Elite Spartan vs. Spartan

Being part of the Spartan network (just join their email list), I received their email notifying its readers of their call for 2018 Team Canada Spartan Applications.  I thought it would be fun to write up an application and submit it but decided to only complete the first half of the task but not the second half.  As in, I am going to write an application and not submit it.  Just from reading the cover letter alone, I know I am not what they are looking for already.  On top of that, Spartan Race is a popular event so I am pretty sure they will receive a lot of applications from qualified contenders.

I would be very qualified to be  Team Canada Spartan's Mascot.  It would be nice to complete a Spartan Sprint while dressed as a Spartan Logo.  Imagine the Spartan Logo rolling to the finish line.

I AM AN AVERAGE SPARTAN

This is a writing on how I do not meet the minimum requirements to be the 2018 Team Canada Spartan.

According to the Team Canada Guidelines, its objective is to find a Spartan in Canada who is most capable of achieving success at the highest level of international competition and promote the Spartan Brand.  First, I do not know the Spartan Brand well enough.  Second, I am incapable of achieving success at the highest level of international competition.

I shall not be considered for nominations on the following basis:

PHYSICAL REQUIREMENTS:
(i)   cannot finish in the top 3 aggregate spots in elite women/men unless only three contenders are in the elite heat;
(ii)  may not be able to compete in, and finish at least five of nine Spartan Races in Canada;
(iii) will not place at an international Spartan event;
(iv)  will not place at Spartan National Championships; and
(v)   will have to complete too many burpees due to failure in obstacles requiring skills like the spear throw.

SOCIAL REQUIREMENTS AND TECHNOLOGY KNOW-HOW
(vi)   anti-social, weirdo behaviour
(vii)  weak social media presence, in fact, borderline anti-social media mentality
(viii) daily user of blogs, scarcely post on instagram, does not even have Facebook installed on a mobile device, never understood Twitter or Snap Chat, etc...
(ix)   less than 750 followers in all social media accounts

It's nice to not meet the minimum requirement so I don't have to think about how I can write an interesting one (1) page essay demonstrating that I meet the minimum requirements and what else I can bring to the Spartan Brand aside from meeting the minimum requirements that many people cannot meet.

If there was a call for the Spartan Race Mascot, I am assuming I would only have to submit a five (5) sentences paragraph.  My five sentences would be something like this:

I would like to be the 2018 Spartan Race Mascot because I enjoy completing Spartan Races or trying my best to complete Spartan Races.  If each Spartan Race Mascot requires a nickname, I will be called "Aroo!!!".  To me, Spartan Race is a time I have set aside for myself to see how I am doing and see how other Spartans are doing!  AROO!!!

I don't know if that was five sentence but yeah.